"Be human"

I celebrated a birthday in California for the first time. My 27th birthday was surrounded by people who choose me, daily. And they made sure I felt it because I needed it. I needed to know that a foreign place where I've experienced hurt, in the midst of recovering from previous hurt, could still provide me with love. Love without force. Friendship. Celebration. Sincerity. I walked into 27 grateful and I have been nothing but in the few weeks that've passed. I learned a few things leading up to my birthday and after, that I'd love to share with you. I learned that I do not feel worthy of being celebrated in my in-between phase. Like nothing I've done so far is good enough to be celebrated by others. I even have a hard time treating myself. However, with the presence of my friends I learned that I would not allow them to feel down and would lift them up in any stage so why should I not allow them to do the same for me? I learned that the rules I make for myself are hard. Why do I have rules for instagram? Not viewing people I don't follow stories? Not liking celebrities photos? Just a string of absurd rules. But will like a bad picture out of support to make someone feel seen because it's just an app. Why can't I treat my experience with instagram the way I treat other's? I learned that the breaks I take may be ineffective if I do not learn the lessons during them. I take breaks all the time. From drinking, social media, literally anything at any moment. But if I am not effectively taking the time to heal during those times it is like I am running away from my problems, giving them the opportunity to resurface when I pick back up habits. I learned that it is okay to be open. I have friends who I expect to be open with me but it is like grinding teeth to get me to express how I'm feeling and when I do, I feel open. But honestly, I'm just seen. Seen as a human with feelings, wants, needs, and desires like every other human being. So here's to 27. May it continue to open my eyes to the world around me. May it continue to inspire me and remind me to be gentle with myself as I am with others. May it take me beyond my wildest dreams. May the people around me continue to teach me. May it continue to leave me open in hopes of becoming a better person, friend, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, girlfriend, wife, mom, aunt, writer, worker, author...any title God sees fit to bless me with. I'm with you, Lord and thank you for another year.